A little bit about Richard:
He enjoyed being with his family (me and the kids). He really loved that I would make his lunch the night before for work. He would write love notes on our bathroom mirror so that way I knew he loved me. He served in the Persian Gulf War. He was honorably discharged in December of 95. He enjoyed camping, going to beaches and music in the park. Every night I would pre make the coffee for him for the next morning but every time he made coffee on the weekends he would make it either too weak or too strong so I would dump it out and make a new pot then it would be perfect. I tried to show him many times how I made the coffee but he was always missing the key ingredient….LOVE. He was a big Seahawks fan and we would pick on each other and laugh and make bets when it was a Seahawks vs 49ers game. June 22nd I called him when he was on his way home to ask him to go to the store and buy a pregnancy test. He did, then came home and I went to go take one and he wanted to argue about being in the bathroom while I peed on a stick lol I won but as soon as he heard the toilet flush the door flew open not even 30 seconds later it came back positive. He was so filled with joy that he started to cry tears of happiness. He was a trucker for Becker trucking. August 4th we got married at the Kent courthouse just because we didn’t want anything major and big. We brought our team sweatshirts with us just to symbolize our marriage after we said I DO he put his on and I put mine on then we traded he wore mine and I wore his. Every morning he would send me a text saying “Good morning i love you my beautiful angel.” There isn’t a day that goes by I wake up in hopes to see that message again. I know I never will, but some days it just feels like what happened wasn’t real and it was just a nightmare. My last message from him was “I know how to make everyone happy, but just remember I love you and I always will my beautiful angel.” He sent that at 930 p.m. October 30th 2014. 5am October 31st 2014 he hung himself in our bedroom closet. They all say the first year is the hardest but I sometimes wonder if it will ever get better. So may he rest in peace. Now he is fighting on God’s army.
Dear Richard,
I just want you to know that I miss you every day. I forgive you. I may not understand why you thought taking your own life was what was going to make everyone happy or even our lives easier. It hasn’t done either. There are nights and times throughout the day that I break down crying because I miss you being around even on our bad days.
It’s been a year now since you made the decision to leave this world, your family, and your friends. The effect it has had on me hasn’t faded, hasn’t gone away; I just simply figured out how to hide it most days.
You are deeply missed and so very much still loved. I wish i could hear your voice again
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